how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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