I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
