there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
