i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
