The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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