Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
