At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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