So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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