youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
