a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
