woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
