Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
