Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize