tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
barbara walters just said penis...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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