Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
