just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
