Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
