after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
