i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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