after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
