whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
should my penis look like a turkey
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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