i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
