I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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