she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
