70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
