I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
