Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
