so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
