make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's blow job season.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
