This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
