I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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