I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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