We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
