Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
