my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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