I wannas sexs uuuuu
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
