fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
