this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize