I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
