She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
