Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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