everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize