I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
