I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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