At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He? As in you personified your dick?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
