sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
