Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize