Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize