YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
