the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
and you fell through a lawn chair
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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