Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
