Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
