My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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