i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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