God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
