This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
