I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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