absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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