All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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