woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
