shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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