Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
