Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
