Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
