I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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