Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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