I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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