Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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