i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
